Wouldn't it be great if there was a Fertility Easy Button?
I'd say it's unrealistic, but then again, I know a number of thirtysomethings who seem to get pregnant at the drop of a hat...and stay pregnant. Like one who said, "Once you pee on a stick and you see that second line, you know your life will never be the same again."* Really? REALLY?! You have sex and two weeks later pee on a stick and just assume you will have a baby? And then you do?! Unimaginable to me.
Or the one who told me she decided to wait until a certain month, and then had sex and actually conceived a baby who is now almost a year old. This same woman then turned out to not only be uber-fertile but also to think that this was something to be taken for granted, and gushed to me, glowing with her accomplishment, "It seems like our bodies are just made for having babies, you know?"*
Forgive me, but I looked this second woman straight in the eye and said, "Not really...[pause for effect]...we're doing IVF...[more eye contact]." I then hated myself a little bit when I saw the crumpling realization of her faux pas spread across her face. Was I being mean, as Greeneggsnham recently worried she was when speaking to a similarly clueless person? Perhaps. But I was angry and also (rationalization alert) felt a need to try to educate her a little bit so she might avoid this mistake in the future.
But enough sour grapes. Our reality is that we are here, facing IVF #3, hoping this third time will be the charm. Should we get out the other side of this with a baby one day, we will be blessed not only with that child, but also with a deep appreciation of how incredible a privilege that is.
And while we understand viscerally that - at least for us - there is no Easy Button for fertility, there are certainly ways that the IVF process can be made easier or harder. How do I try to cope while cycling? I enjoy running and will keep it up until I start the stims. I'm eating healthy-ish and trying to get adequate sleep. As I said in my last post, I start acupuncture next week. And Will and I will do our best to keep the lighter moments of our relationship very much alive.
And what do I try to avoid in the spirit of not making this harder than it has to be? I try to avoid (ha ha ha ha) obsessing and (ha -snort!- ha) worrying. I try to stay in the moment and not get ahead of myself. Will is much better at not obsessing, not worrying, and staying in the moment, but then again, maybe it's easier when you're not jacked up on hormones and having an ultrasound probe thrust up your wahoo every other day.
I bet there are many other things that might help make things easier if only I could think of them.
So now I turn to you for your expertise. What strategies help you to weather your ups and downs, your anxieties, your what ifs, your hopes and fears? What have you learned makes the process harder than it has to be?
And back to the beginning of the post, what idiotic things have been said to you recently? And how did you respond?
Mo and Will are two 40-year-old health care professionals traveling the steeper than expected road to parenthood. First came love, then came marriage, then came 7 IVFs and 6 miscarriages. We are now the proud new parents of a little girl, thrilled to be able to start our family.