I went to get a pelvic ultrasound last week because I've been having acute ovarian pain for a while. Pain that is bad enough that it burns and pinches and radiates through to my lower back. Pain that is bad enough it wakes me up at night and makes it hard to fall back asleep. Bad enough that three ibuprofen do not nullify it.
It turns out I have a pretty large hemorrhagic cyst on my left ovary. The radiologist who read my ultrasound (who is super cool and double boarded in OB/GYN and radiology) also thought that the degree and duration of pain might indicate my endometriosis has recurred. Which would be a bummer and would probably require another laparoscopy to confirm and potentially treat. Pooh on that.
When I arrived for the exam, the receptionist handed me a form to fill out. It's the first time I've been faced with having to write anything about my reproductive or medical history in awhile.
I tend to think I'm over the past. Magpie is here. Yes, it was a challenge to get her (understatement), but here we are (and thank you but let's not dwell in the past).
But when I had to actually answer the question: "How many pregnancies have you had?" and write "7" and then "How many live births?" and write "1," things came somewhat rushing back. I have to say it is HUGE to get to write "1" instead of "0," which is all I ever thought I'd get to write. But it still was hard to acknowledge that WOW, that was me. I was pregnant 7 times to get to Ms. Magpie. I used to live in a land of what felt like almost unbearable pain over it. Wow. And now, miraculously, I'm over here on the other side, with an amazing almost two-year-old and a large hemorrhagic cyst.
I had similar sense of unreality writing my and my family's cancer history. Can one's immediate and second-degree relatives have THAT many instances of cancer? Hard to believe...Oh boy we are not genetically favored in the cancer risk department.
So physical and lingering emotional pain aside, all is well. My history still looks like a train wreck and it still hurts to have to answer questions that acknowledge it. But it hurts a heck of a lot less than it used to.
For any of you still in the trenches, I wish the same for you.
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