Will and I met today with a NYC psychologist who specializes in infertility to discuss using my sister as an egg donor. We wanted to get a sense of the issues we should make sure to consider that we might be overlooking.
We really liked this psychologist. Were impressed by her (and as a fellow psychologist, I can be sometimes be a tough sell). She was a good mix of smart and practical and just empathic enough without overdoing it, and she kept us on track when we started to veer.
Her bottom line was fairly simple, and she stated it a few times in case we were slow learners.
She said emphatically that barring a substance abuse issue or major mental illness in my sister, using my sister as our egg donor is an ideal next step, a potential solution to the very tough situation we find ourselves in.
She reiterated variations on this theme a few times throughout the meeting. That assuming that my sister is on board with this idea (and my sis is downright enthusiastic), and assuming Will is ok with it (he is), this is a wonderful, wonderful option.
How nice to hear. I'd half expected to hear the creaking sound of Pandora's box opening and of us being faced with cold, hard issues we'd somehow missed in our exhaustive attempts to think through every nook and cranny of this decision.
But no. The psychologist said it sounded really good (even with our faults and my sister's imperfections). And that it shouldn't substantially change our relationship with my sister.
Her take home message was that my sister's ability to donate eggs to us would be a gift, an amazing gift. And one that we might need to work a little harder on just learning to receive and say thank you for, rather than analyzing it and then analyzing it some more.
The psychologist gave us permission to stop all of the second guessing as well as my specific tendency to think I need to decide for Will and me and also somehow decide what's best for my sister, too.
The psychologist offered to meet privately with my sister when she's in town sometime and then meet with the three of us to discuss again as a group if we wanted. But basically, she gave us the psychologist's version of her blessing.
Still processing this, but generally it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Like we've been given approval to go ahead, and that I will not harm my sister by accepting her offer, or scar my child, or any other negative and scary outcome.
Feels like a big relief to get an expert's opinion that yes, this makes sense, that yes, it is a good idea.
Now let's just hope Marina can pass through the gauntlet of testing that faces her and come out the other side successfully.
|Will and I at the psychologist's...|
Can you guess who is who?
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