Friday, May 28, 2010

Adorable puppy and IVF approaching

Moxie is at camp and we are off for a holiday weekend in Florida before starting back up on the IVF roller coaster.

The current plan is to start meds on June 8th and travel to Denver on June things are a'brewing.

In the meantime, check out this adorable photo of our awesome dog taken today at her "camp" in upstate NY. She'll be back with us Tuesday after playing with the other dogs and running around to her heart's content.

She looks like she's having a grand time! Puts a nervous puppy mom's heart at ease.


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Friday, May 21, 2010

A funny thing happened on my wait for my seventh IVF cycle

Still out here, biding my time, waiting for June to arrive and with it our time to cycle again in Denver.

While I wait, I've been struck by the thought that, boy, all these IVFs and pregnancies and miscarriages (and more IVFs and more pregnancies and more miscarriages) have been a long, LONG, drawn out process.

And somehow, cycling in Denver has made a process that was as slow as molasses before now seem downright glacial, what with the waiting to cycle and the biopsying and freezing and waiting for test results and the lining building and waiting to transfer, etc.

It's hard to be patient. But at the same time, it's nice to step out of the reproductive madness long enough to get my psychological bearings from time to time. So during this latest wait, I have been taking my temperature again on this whole baby-making business.

In the past, when I've thought about our family building options, I have tried (and tried) to feel ok about adoption, about donor egg. Because while those paths don't look easy, they sure look more certain to work out than our current path. But try as I might, these have just not quite felt right. Can't quite put my finger on why, but something inside me has shrunk away from these paths, never letting them feel completely acceptable or ok for me. This is even as I admire other people's adopted babies and marvel at still others' egg donation miracles.

Well...not sure what to make of it...but something seems to be a'shifting.

Again, can't put my finger on it exactly, but I'm noticing a movement inside, a leaning more toward feeling that I'm ready for us to have a baby in our lives. Come hell or high water or however we have to get him or her here. I'm getting awfully tired of waiting. But while I've been doing all this waiting, it seems that my fearful little heart has grown a few sizes. That my confidence has grown that I could love - and feel all those wonderful glowing mothering feelings toward - a baby who came my way by a number of avenues, not just the avenue I've been so hell bent on achieving.

Was checking in with myself recently and was surprised to realize this. That as we're waiting to cycle again, this openness had snuck up on me.

Funny that we're heading into another IVF cycle as I'm noticing this shift in perspective, an opening in my heart. And that for the first time, we have three chromosomally normal (but wonky) blasts on ice. One of which might be able to grow into a live baby. It would be wonderful if that happened. But it's wonderful too to think that if this latest path doesn't work out that I can be ok - more than ok - perfectly happy - with another path to have a child.

Who ever would have thought? Not sure why it's finally coming, but it's a wonderful development.


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Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Biding my time

Sorry for my quietness of late. I've been down for the count for over a week with a nasty cold. Not off work/school, and not avoiding socializing because of it, but really dragging myself through it all. Blog posts just haven't been happening so much.

Poor Ms. Moxie is also sick, also coughing. Except when she coughs, she sounds like a Canadian goose.

Moxie: [pant pant] [butt wiggle] HONK! HONK! HONK! [butt wiggle]

You get the idea.

School is super intense right now with a crush of assignment deadlines and exams. And because I'm getting this newest degree at a medical school, not in a regular university setting, I'm experiencing three classes crashing toward the end of the semester as simultaneously I've picked up two new ones this week. Blech. I mean, really, is this truly necessary? Could I not finish one thing before I start another? Please?

Work is good but also fairly intense right now. I'm about to leave this Saturday for my third major work-related trip in four months. For which I'm lucky, I know. And, hey, I'm grateful - really truly grateful - I even have a job. But it would be nice to have a quiet weekend, instead of being at a psychology conference many many states away from my dear Will and little Ms. Moxie.

So yeah. Not so much blog writing coming out of me these days. All is good - there's just a lot. The healthy eating has been hit or miss but I'm trying to not abandon the fruit and vegetable project all-together and just do what I can. Acupuncture still hasn't happened but I'm hoping I can squeeze it in.

June and our trip to Denver is right around the corner...till then, I'm just biding my time, trying to wade through all of these life tasks, comfort my honking dog, blow my own nose, and wait...patiently...or not so patiently...


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Friday, May 7, 2010

You need to see this

A beautiful, moving video about infertility awareness from Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed. A response to RESOLVE's and Melissa Ford's Project IF.

Well done!

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Sunday, May 2, 2010

Sundays of grace #30

1. Dinner this weekend in a backyard garden in Brooklyn with Sprogblogger and her husband, Will and me. Warm spring night candlelight dining under the trees. So wonderful to experience a friendship unfolding and to see it develop even into couples' friends. Definitely something to be grateful for.

2. Will has had the opportunity to moonlight this weekend, earning some much needed extra funds for us. It's meant he's worked 20 hours today and yesterday, including an overnight, pretty grueling in addition to his regular work schedule. Hard as that schedule is, we both know we are so lucky to even have jobs in this economy and even luckier to have opportunities like this come up so that we can dig out of the debt from the last IVF and tuck some funds away for the next one.

3. Dare I say it? Seems like summer weather out there yesterday and today. Time for barbecues and picnics and warm evening strolls in the city. Will and I are both working today, but maybe tonight we can take little Ms. Moxie for a walk along the river. Soak up the warm air and walk hand in hand with our Boxer puppy.


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