Saturday, November 27, 2010

When it rains, it pours

Sorry for my absence. And thank you for all of your thoughts and support. Honestly have been without words.

I don't know how to describe the feeling of losing our sixth pregnancy. Don't even know how to process the loss internally, let alone convey it in language.

And then.

Five days after the D&C, we were rocked by another blow, another devastation. An enormous family emergency. Too personal, even on an anonymous blog, to write about, but horrendous.

This emergency is continuing to unfold. And I am still reeling from it. This one is big enough that it has disrupted grieving the miscarriage, superceded it, at least for now. And I am left gasping.

I do not know how I will get through both of these tremendous losses. Especially coming at the same time.

At the moment I am just hanging on for dear life and telling myself that things can't continue to feel like this forever.

Surely, they must get better.

Surely.

Mo

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85 comments:

Randi said...

Mo - this will pass, hang in there. We are sending you love and support and know that you can always write and will always be here to listen. Sending you prayers in this difficult time. Take care of yourself.

Brave IVF Girl said...

Sorry to hear you're dealing with two awful things at once. Hang in there, we're here for you. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

Sending you cyber hugs and hoping your pain lets up. So sorry for all of your losses.

A. said...

I am so sorry for everything that you're going through right now, all at once. Thinking of you and hoping that you have brighter days ahead in the very near future.

Miss Megan said...

So sorry you are having to deal with multiple losses at one time - as if a m/c isn't enough =(. Thinking of you guys and hoping that things pass very quickly. Hugs your way hun.

Esperanza said...

I'm so sorry Mo, for all you're going through. I wish I could say something that would be of some comfort but I know your grief surpasses anything I could say. Please know that you are in my heart and in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Hello Mo,
So sorry to hear you are dealing with so much!! You are in my prayers everyday.

sprogblogger said...

Thinking of you. Tried to call, couldn't get through. Let me know what I can do to help - even if that's just giving you a bit of space! Thinking of you and wishing you could catch just a single goddamned break...

Lex said...

I've been thinking of you, I'm very sorry that you have something else to grieve on top of your miscarriage. I wish I could give you a big hug.

It is what it is said...

My heart is heavy for you as you try to process these two devastating life events at once. I know Will will help shoulder the pain and pull you through and I hope beyond hope that your loved ones, Will, and Moxie are safe and well.

Michelle said...

Thank you for coming by just to post. We have all been thinking of you. I hate it when the snowball keeps getting bigger and bigger. Sending you tons of strength to get through the days ahead...and beyond. May you find peace soon.

Karen said...

Mo you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers

IrishNYC said...

I'm so sorry.

Twiggy said...

I have been thinking of you, and I"m sorry to hear that things have gotten even worse than before - hard to imagine. My thoughts are with you and your family!

MrsSpock said...

Hugs to you Mo!

Gil said...

Just letting you know that we're all here and thinking of you and Will at this very difficult time. Sending much love and many hugs sweetie.

LisainSK said...

Mo...been thinking tonnes of you. So sorry for the other emergency going on in your life. Beyond unfair. I hope things will settle down for you soon so you can begin to heal.

sonja said...

praying hard for you and your family. i am so sorry that another tragedy has struck. you are in my thoughts.

Panamahat said...

Mo, my heart goes out to you. Hang in there. x

Pie said...

I've been thinking about you often. I'm so sorry to hear about the family emergency, added on top of the 6th loss. I hope you and Will are leaning on each other and everyone around you for support.

You are in my thoughts, Mo.

((((((hugs))))))

Teresa said...

I am so sorry. I hope you are able to catch your breath soon.

Em said...

So sorry that you are having additional pain and grief, even on top of losing your precious baby. Positive thoughts and many prayers going out to you. It will get better...someday...hopefully soon.

Stacie said...

Oh, Mo. I am so sorry there is more grief added to your already full plate. I wish I knew why life often continues to kick us when we are down. I do know (from personal experience in my own "Very Dark Days") that even when there is no light at the end of the tunnel, somehow it is possible to continue on. I pray that the light reaches you soon...

I send love and many, many hugs to you today and always.

MARY said...

wish there was something we could do to help, more then sending good thoughts and prayers...(((hugs)))

Kate said...

So sorry to hear that you have added pain to bear on top of your already enormous losses. Hope you and Will can keep the love and support going through all these hard times.

R. said...

Oh Mo. I am so sorry the pain is still so intense and that your going through a family crisis. We are all here to support you. Thinking of you and sending you strength and support.

Silver said...

I am really sad to hear that things are so tough. Hang on in there!

Rebecca said...

I am so very sorry for all of the difficulties you and Will are going through. You will get through the losses. One day at a time, maybe even one hour at a time at some points along the way. And that's okay.

When you are dealing with such difficult emotional blows, do whatever you have to do, whatever you can do to give yourself a break (or at least a distraction).

Obviously I don't know your exact situation, so I don't know how feasible this is right now, but at my lowest points, a couple of times I've decided "I have to get out of here right now" and we've left for a trip literally the next day. They weren't necessarily long (3-4 nights), far away (only 5 hours driving), or expensive. But they were places we'd never been to before, which was important because it forced us to focus on where we were going and what we were doing - we couldn't be on autopilot. The trips didn't make the grief go away, but they did give us a little bit of breathing room and a little time to process it subconsciously before returning to face it consciously.

Big hugs to you and Will. You're in my thoughts.

Dreams and False Alarms said...

((((hugs))))
I am so so sorry.

gwinne said...

Oh, Mo. I'm just so sorry. Yes, surely things must get better. You and Will and your family are in my thoughts.

Good Egg Hatched said...

I wish there were something I could say that would somehow be worthy of the intense pain you're going through right now. Hoping and praying that things turn around for you, and soon. Huge hugs.

Phoebe said...

Mo, I'm so sorry. I know this must be huge to be beyond all you have been through with this lastest IVF. Wishing you and your family a break, with some loving healing energy sent your way.

poppy.f.seed said...

whatever it is, I am truly sorry.

PJ said...

Oh Mo, you are certainly way past overdue for some amazing luck.

Many hugs.

Marianne said...

I am so very sorry!

Angela said...

I don't comment, hardly ever... but my heart just breaks for you and I am praying for some peace, some rest, some restoration to your life, sanity, heart, soul... You are strong - yet you do not deserve to be tested so. I am sending prayers and hugs... so sorry!

Rebecca said...

I've been so sad for you. And now this. I went through a similar back-to-back loss and someone said "it doesn't hurt less, but less often" and for me, at least, this has been true. I hope that for you, too, the hurt will be less often.

lastchanceivf said...

No one should have to bear so much and I'm just so sorry it is you...thinking of you.

Dora said...

Oh, Mo! I'm so sorry. I'm in CT with spotty internet access, but I've been thinking of you so much. Please call if there's anything I can do, or if you just want to talk.

glamcookie said...

I'm so very sorry. The universe needs to let you up already. Know that you have so many people sending you good wishes and thinking of you. Take care of each other. {{{}}}

Secret Sloper said...

Mo, I am so sorry. I pray for you and Will to have the strength to get through this. It's so wrong that so much could be piled on one person all at once.

Kim said...

My heart aches for you. It's got to get better.

Cassie said...

I'm so sorry Mo. You do not deserve all this pain, not by any stretch of the imagination. I'm sending you lots of hugs and wishes for you to find the strength to get through this amazingly difficult time.

Anonymous said...

SO sorry that you are going through so much! Have been thinking about you and praying for you since the positive pregnancy test - continuing to pray that you feel surrounded by God's love!

Jay said...

Oh Mo, I'm so sorry. Having something else on top of the loss to grieve about- too much.

One day at a time, and we'll finally get to the point where the sun starts to shine just a little again.

manapan said...

(((hugs)))

I'm so sorry for everything you're having to go through right now. I am thinking of you and your family and hoping for brighter days ahead.

Mabelb said...

I'm so sorry. I wish for some peace and calm for you to allow you to grieve.

The Baby Chase Project said...

I am so sorry, Mo.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and you will get there very soon, I know it. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Heather said...

I'm so sorry you have so much on your plate right now. I've been thinking of you. Praying that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel soon.

Emily Erin said...

Sending sustaining prayers and small moments of 'maybe it'll be okay'. Hold tight to one another and know that you have many, many people sending you good thoughts. As I continue to say, please be gentle with yourself.

meinsideout said...

thinking of you

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for all you have been through. Sending hugs and prayers.

Kelley

Mel. said...

I'm so very sorry for everything you're going through, wish I could make it all better for you.... Huge hugs to you and your family!

Patience said...

You are in my thoughts. Sending you strength to get through it all.

:: CCB's Knit-Knacks :: said...

It's times like these I have to tell myself, over and over, and keep it as my motto:

This Too Shall Pass.

Bad news always seems to collect other bad news until you almost get washed away with it.

But it won't always be as bad as it is right now.

Orodemniades said...

I hope things calm down soon. Remember to breathe deeply.

Roccie said...

Sorry Mo. it sounds horrible.

Danielle said...

Wishing it were all easier, and trusting that in some small ways it will be, one breath at a time.

HopeBPatient said...

Thinking of you and wishing with all my might for things to get better for you soon. Take care of yourself.

bir said...

Thinking of you Mo... hang in there girl x

s.e. said...

You out of all people do not deserve to be gasping. Things WILL get better and I hope soon.

Cheryl said...

Thinking of you guys! Cyber hugs!!!!

Nepsi said...

I am sorry you've been kicked when you are down. That happened to me with my first m/c. Obviously not the same thing but it seems like the universe is evil like this. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you to help you through. :(

mekate said...

So very sorry to hear you've been dealt another blow by the universe
who must think you are Pretty Darned Strong to cope will all of this (any of this) all at once.

Sending love to you and hopes for things to improve as fast as they can, for healing to happen as soon as it can.

XOXOXO
wishing things were different.
Oh yeah, how i wish things were different.
Kate

Alexicographer said...

Oh no. I'm so sorry. Thinking of you both and hoping for the best for you and your family.

Conceptionally Challenged said...

Oh no, Mo. I'm so sorry that you got yet more bad news. Thinking of you and your family.

Sue said...

I am so sorry! I almost can't imagine something being able to supercede another miscarriage, so I am in shock at your situation. Whatever you can do to get through this...

Hang on tight to each other.

Patricia said...

Will keep you in my prayers and hope that life will give you a blessing and a break soon.

Meemaw

m said...

Dear Mo,

What to say when someone you know is hurting and you can't help? I'm never sure. But to be silent doesn't seem to be it either - I am so sorry you and Will are in this place right now. Sending you thoughts and wishes as you get through these days. And wishing there were more substantial words to convey those thoughts.

TeeJay said...

I'm so sorry for what you and Will are going through right now. This time of year is tough on us IF and you have been dealt a particularly shitty hand. You are a strong woman and you will get through this, but I know saying that doesn't make anything better right now. We are thinking of you and praying for you...always. Hang in there.

B. said...

No words, just a warm hug.

Brenna said...

Another voice from the many who read your words sending love and support in your direction. I'm so sorry for the pain you're dealing with right now.

My Endo Journey said...

So many hugs and love Mo!

serenity said...

Hugs.

xoxo

jodie38 said...

So very sorry, Mo. Sometimes the universe is just a heartless bitch.

Hang in there, thinking of you both.

birdsandsquirrels said...

Oh no... the last thing you needed was more stress. I'm so sorry about your family emergency, and the D&C. Sending hopes for healing and peace, in all areas...

The Reluctant Blogger said...

I am sorry you are having such a rough time. I hope things brighten and become easier to handle soon.

Anonymous said...

So sorry for more pain in your life. You are in my prayers and thoughts. Lynne

Christa said...

So so sorry! :( Thinking of you and your entire family.

gracieinbrooklyn said...

So, so sorry Mo & Will. Sending strength and hugs.

gracieinbrooklyn said...

So, so sorry Mo & Will. Sending strength and hugs.

Claudia said...

I'm just so sorry. I wish I knew what to say.

Barefoot said...

I am so, so sorry that you're having to deal with two such devastating events at the same time. Sending lots of prayers your way.

Katherine said...

Hugs. I am so sorry for your losses.

linda said...

Damn. When it can't seem to get any worse, it did. I am so sorry Mo. I hope that at some point things start to move in the right direction for the two of you.

Many hugs,

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