One of my dearest friends is stuck in an adoption nightmare. She completed all her research and paperwork and decided to adopt a child from Kyrgyzstan. She was matched with a beautiful little baby, 5 weeks old. She flew to Bishtek and met her. She fell in love immediately. Back home, we all celebrated the news of the referral. We all thought that her little girl would be here soon.
That was twenty-two months ago. Her little girl just turned two this week. She is still in an orphanage in Kyrgyzstan. Because all Kyrgyzstan adoptions have been placed on hold, putting this little girl, and 64 other Kyrgyz children in limbo.
It is unclear when this nightmare, finally picked up by the national media, will end. But undoubtedly, these children, some of whom have medical conditions in need of treatment, will not be the same as they would have been had this stalemate not occurred. Two years is a long time to spend in an orphanage.
My friend has lobbied U.S. congress, traveled to Kyrgyzstan to speak before their parliament, and created a media campaign to try to sway public opinion in Kyrgyzstan. She has now celebrated two birthdays for this little girl in her absence. And her heart is just breaking.
God, I feel for her. And through her experience I have grown more skittish about international adoption, fearing that you could get so far in the process only to have some international snafu jeopardize bringing your child home.
It's a scary story and although it's unusual, I guess it's one of the potential realities of international adoption. It is so hard for me to accept that there are never any guarantees, never a time when you can say you've made it to the other side and all is sure to work out all right. Not in adoption and certainly not in pregnancy. Unfortunately, my experiences so far in infertility have made me feel more intolerant of uncertainty, not less. Which is not a good thing, because there seems to be uncertainty for so many of us at every turn.
Click here to subscribe