Sunday, March 21, 2010
1. It's been winter for so long it seems, and now - seemingly out of nowhere - it is full on springtime. Green grass and crocuses and daffodils blooming. A warm breeze and sunshine, people lazing about in the park, reading on the grass, no coats, no jackets even. How did that happen? An amazing transformation.
2. Hope. It has been in such short supply since August, when we lost our fifth pregnancy. Even doing this latest IVF cycle, I had to drag myself through the motions of the stimulation, the monitoring, unable to believe that anything could go right. And fearing that if my heart was so damaged that I had no hope, it couldn't possibly turn out ok. And yet. We had a great retrieval. And somehow the Denver lab has made us so many blasts to test with microarray that I can hardly believe it. And there it is...hope, creeping timidly in, that maybe, just maybe, we could have a family. Hope, you terrify me. And I feel so fortunate to see you again.
3. Will has so much going on - his father is sick, his work is ridiculously stressful right now - and yet he not only physically showed up to do his part to make all this a success, he's been consistently emotionally showing up as well, standing beside me, with me. Making me believe that together we can get through anything. Being present, even when it is hard to do. What a gift. Thank you, Will. I am so grateful for your courage. For your presence here beside me.
- Schoolie says
- For my birthday, I ask you...
- Laparoscopy and hysteroscopy: what should I expect?
- Nuchal translucency screen results
- Move over Baby On Board! IF signs for every occasion
- She is here!
- FET#2: 9dp5dt: preparing for the worst
- Today is the day
- 7w3d ultrasound: it's over
- The first 6 weeks postpartum: some hard realities