The wrong post went up earlier today. It will be re-posted next week at a more appropriate time. Sorry about that. For today, no jokes. Just taking this day to remember the losses so many of us have endured.
As you've no doubt noticed, Will and I have been in a place of late where we have been choosing to laugh instead of cry. We have been making many wry jokes around the house this past month or so and we've introduced the Hallmark rejects cards here on the blog, which we've also found quite entertaining.
But beneath our off-color humor is a deep sadness at the loss of our five pregnancies. A sadness that is with us also, much of the time.
Obviously our goal is to have a baby who lives. That is the hope. But maybe Will and I don't get to have that. Maybe all we will ever get to experience is the joy of glimpsing our children a few times on ultrasound, their hearts beating, their limbs moving. If that is all we get, I will accept that. I would rather have the chance to experience our children, even in this small way, and then suffer losing them, than never have them at all. Even if we never get to have a live baby.
So I told the RE that. And he got a little choked up and said that that must be a really hard thing to say. And I guess it is, but it's where we are at.
These pregnancies, these miscarriages, are our children. And I am glad we were able to have them in our lives, even much too briefly.
Thinking of each and every one of you who has lost a pregnancy or infant. Today. And every day. Thoughts especially go out to my Hodgkin's buddy m., Susan, Niki, Echloe, Lisa, MeKate, Alexis, Natalie, NoodleGirl, Megan, Michele, WiseGuy, Michelle, Luna, and Infertile in the City.
And... we're back.
16 hours ago