First of all, thank you so much for your comments and thoughts. Those of you who chimed in about HCG levels were VERY helpful. Just knowing that you guys are out there and rooting for us means a great deal, to both of us. And I agree about the benefits of doing yoga and/or meditation. I unfortunately can't right now because I have a dissertation to defend, but it does sound like a great idea. I'm sure the upcoming defense has a lot to do with my sky-high stress levels.
We saw the RE and had an ultrasound. We're just barely at the five week mark, so it's super early.
We could see the gestational sac on the screen and the RE saw the yolk sac as well, which is great, and all one could hope to see at this stage of things.
We talked about the HCG numbers not rising so much since Saturday - he said not to put too much stock in them. Unless they plateau entirely or drop, we're ok, and ultrasound is the way to go from here on out.
So this was all a great relief.
But the funny thing is, part of me still feels that something is wrong. My body doesn't feel right to me (as though I would know what "right" feels like!) My nausea and fatigue have lessened and last night and through today, I started having moderate cramping that feels like my period is about to come. I mentioned this to the RE and he said all of this is normal. That it is too early to have reliable symptoms. Which reassured me a smidgen. But not really.
I'm beginning to accept that I just may not feel better for quite a while. That my anxiety may be one of the legacies of all of our losses. I hope that once the dissertation defense is done and we're off on our trip (to where? who knows!) that I can begin to surrender to the process of this pregnancy a little more. To know that we've done our part and all there is left to do is enjoy each step along the way. To be thrilled and grateful we are where we are.
For now, I am very glad we heard reassuring news today. But I also don't feel much better, which is a drag. It's like I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I suspect I will be for while to come.
5 Frozen Blasts!
3 hours ago