Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The fat lady sings


Our RE called Mo this afternoon to confirm that the beta HCG levels are continuing to drop. Another miscarriage is imminent. The RE says that we should presume that the loss is due to chromosomal defects.

Over the phone, Mo and I just checked in to see how we felt. "I don't know," we seemed to say in unison. But we do know. It's that terrible, familiar feeling. Loss. A feeling kind of beyond language. We've been sitting together in silence on the phone a lot since Monday. Both working way too much. No words for what we're going through.

We are not sure what's next and not sure we even want to touch on that just yet. We'll give it a few hours, a few days, a few weeks or whatever it takes.

We are planning to wander around the Metropolitan Museum of Art later this afternoon. Maybe the paintings and sculpture will express visually some of the things we're unable to verbally. It will be good to be together, wandering the galleries. It's something we haven't done in a while. Just taking a break and being together will be healing since we've only had about a total of an hour "together time" in the past several days with work and everything else.

An afternoon of art and then dinner, together. We'll figure it out from there.

Will

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54 comments:

  1. I am so sorry... Just know that you guys are not alone.

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  2. Damn, I'm sorry. I know you'll take good care of each other. Thinking of you both.

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  3. I'm sorry too. I hope the musuem provides some moments of peace and a temporary reprieve from having to think too much about what's next.

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  4. Together. Together is good.

    And I'm sorry. Still so, so sorry.

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  5. I am so very sorry. Thinking of you both today.

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  6. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you picked a lovely setting to start the healing process. Take care of eachother and yourselves.

    so sorry.

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  7. yes. Together is good. Even when, sometimes especially when, there are no words.

    I am so, so sorry.

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  8. I am so sorry to hear this news. I was so praying really hard this was the one that worked.

    Lean on one another and take time to heal. When the time is right you will know what your next step will be.

    Thinking of you. Take care,
    Tracy

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  9. I'm so sorry. Together is, indeed, good. Take care of yourselves, and each other.

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  10. My love to you both as you endure this difficult time. Spending time together pondering some art is a good start towards healing. Thinking of you, and wishing things were very, very different.

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  11. Yes, one day at a time. I'm so sorry. Thinking of you both.

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  12. Thinking of you guys. I'm so sorry.

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  13. damn that fat lady. and I am so glad you will have some time together. what you folks have been through-- well, it is beyond words.
    wishing so much for a different outcome for you two. Warmly, Kate

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  14. I am so sorry. I hope the art and beauty is healing, or at least cathartic.

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  15. I'm so glad you both can lean on eachother in a time like this. ~hugs~ for all the pain you are working through.

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  16. Oh, dammit:(
    I hope you enjoy a leisurely evening just the two of you...

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  17. As always, my thoughts are with the both of you.

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  18. I am so sorry. I"m thinking of you both

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  19. gah, take your time, mind each other.

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  20. Don't know what to say ... I'm sure you're feeling numb. Just wanted you to know you're in my thoughts. Wishing you peace and strength...

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  21. I am just so very sorry! You both are in my thoughts!

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  22. Oh this is a bummer. Hang in there. So sorry...

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  23. Just offering support. Wishing I had any other words, but having failed four IVFs myself, I know good and well that there aren't any.

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  24. I'm so sorry, thinking of you both.

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  25. so sorry. I was really thinking this was the one, finally.

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  26. blech. i'm so sorry to hear this :(

    xoxo

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  27. I'm so sorry.

    It is good that you found a way to be together today, hopefully you were able to find some distractions and beauty at the museum.

    I'm thinking of both of you.

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  28. I am so sorry. You two are so lucky to have one another, and I just hope you were able to comfort each other and take some solace in your afternoon at the museum. I'm hoping for the best for you two, no matter what your next step turns out to be.

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  29. That sucks guys. I'm so sorry. Big hugs to both of you. Hope you had a peaceful walk/talk around the museum. Sometimes it's so good to disconnect and just "be". Take care of each other!!! Hugs.

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  30. I really feel for you guys.. It's great that you have each other - enjoy the time together as best you can.. sounds really nice wandering around looking at the art and taking in a nice dinner..

    thinking of you...

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  31. I am so sorry , I am new to your blog but I just want to comment and say that your in my thoughts and I am praying for you.
    Em
    from Australia

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  32. I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you both. Take care. *hug*

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  33. I am so sorry. That museum has been a great comfort to me, esp. the yrs I lived in NYC. After my m/c I read a lot of Sylvia Plath, which helped me.

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  34. So sorry for you both. I'm glad you have each other to lean on, but this is just an awful thing to deal with. Sending hugs.

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  35. I'm am so so sorry. I just wanted to send some hugs and support via LFCA. *hug*

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  36. {{HUGS}} I am so sorry. I hope you both get something out of the museum today.

    LFCA

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  37. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    [here from LFCA]

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  38. Coming from LAFCA, I am so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you.

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  39. I'm so so very sorry. I wish you both peace and comfort in each other's presence. You're in my thoughts.

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  40. I'm so sorry, keeping you both in my thoughts.

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  41. Oh, wow. I am stunned and so so sorry to hear this. I've been reading your story for awhile so knowing the journey that brought you to the news of the positive beta...and now to this...just devastating.

    I'm thinking of both of you.

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  42. so sorry, mo and will. it just sucks.

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  43. I am so sorry. It is wonderful, though, (and pretty unusual) that your reaction to the news is to spend time together.

    Take care of yourselves and each other.

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  44. *here form LFCA* I'm so so sorry! I'm sending you both lots of hugs and lots of support.
    *HUGS*

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  45. I'm really sorry. As a "habitual aborter" myself (lovely term, that, to describe my 5 first trimester babies and my second trimester baby), I know only too well the sinking feeling that comes after the gradual 'daring to hope', then watching that hope die an agonising, cruel death. Spending time with my husband in those difficult times was the best thing for me. Probably the only time I get truly clingy is when I need emotional support bad, and no one else gets it but your partner who wanted it as bad as you did.

    I'm thinking of you both.

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  46. No - there are no words. I'm so very sorry.

    Stupid, stupid, fat mean lady.

    Thinking of you both.....

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  47. Hey Guys, I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts.

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  48. I am so very sorry...I hope the museum worked some magic for you both and began the healing process....

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  49. I am so sorry. Love and hugs and strength.

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