After much thought, I'm joining an IVF support group. I've been feeling funked out lately and I can't seem to shake it. Last night I went to bed at 7. Not good. Not good at all.
It's not even a support group per se that I'm after. But I'm starting to feel isolated. The longer this infertility madness goes on the harder it is for me to socialize with my old friends, who are all either procreating or not trying yet and either way just do not understand the depths of our longing/obsession/sadness. Family too is difficult and are prone to try to tell us how they understand (when they clearly don't) or to offer well-intentioned but misplaced advice.
What I would love to find is more of a social group that would fit the situation we find ourselves in: an infertile softball league or an infertiles dinner group. It would be lovely to have a group of women in real life who get it. Not that we'd even have to talk about infertility all that much but just that we'd know that the others knew and understood...
Since I cannot find such a thing, I decided to join a support group. Surprisingly, it was tough to find a general IVF infertility group in NYC. I found adoption groups and donor egg groups, but not general ones addressing the suckiness of IVF and nothing for women who've been through recurrent pregnancy loss.
The closest I could find was a general IVF group for women over 40. When I called the social worker, she said she makes no exceptions - and "given you just turned 37, I don't think this group would meet your needs."
I asked her to let me describe my situation in a couple of sentences and she could decide if it might be a good fit. She ended up saying "Oh, my!" and asked me to come in for a consultation.
At the end of the meeting she said, "I think you would be perfect for this group!" What I wanted to hear, I guess, but hmmm....a bit of a therapeutic backhanded compliment, no?
My happy ending
1 day ago