Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Reports from the petri dish: Transfer

We received word this morning that the gang of eight are not looking strong enough to make it to Day 5, so we are going to transfer in a couple of hours.

Our RE said that three of the embryos are looking better than the others and will be transferred.

We had a lot of back and forth about whether to put back 3 or 4, but ultimately, the RE felt (and convinced Will and I) that our chances of pregnancy wouldn't be improved that much (he said only by 3%) by a 4-embryo transfer, while we would have a much increased chance of triplets of quads (18% chance of triplets with four put back, 2.5% chance of quads).

We are trying to be optimistic. I have to admit I'm not feeling so great. Had wanted to make it to a Day 5 transfer, so this news that we need to transfer today really throws me.

Will and I are both desperately hoping that we don't end up again in Pregnancy In-Between Land as we have the last three pregnancies (pregnant but with non-viable embryos/fetuses).

Now that we're at the transfer stage, all the old emotions of loss are welling up. We're both trying to focus on the positive, but it is tough because this pregnancy thing has just never gone in a positive direction for us. It's strange to be feeling this way, I keep thinking I should be elated. Instead we are hopeful but chastened. Cautiously optimistic but terrified.

So in two hours, we will screw up our courage, focus on the chance that this could actually work out, and head back to the IVF suite at the hospital.

Mo

23 comments:

Clio said...

Mo
I understand all the fear and caution. You went through so much that it is hard to find the innocence of hope.
I'll light a candle for you, for serenity and good luck with this one. Hoping that today's transfer will blossom into a healthy baby (or more) in your's and Will's arms.
I know your trust in the universe has been broken, but you need to find it in you to give it a chance and believe again. The three little embryos who are trying for life, deserve that too.
Drink from the strenght of all the women who came before you, the women in your family line, the women you know and admire, and the women who share your journey.
I was thinking of that while I was in the room for retrieval, of how many women have laid there before me, in the same position, carrying the same hopes and the same fears.
Hugs and good luck!

Bean said...

I'm sorry that things aren't going as well as you'd have liked. I'm thinking of you and hoping the transfer went smoothly. I'll also be crossing my fingers for a great outcome this time. Take care and try to relax.

Brenda said...

Mo, I'm sorry that the embryos are not doing as well as you had hoped. I am hoping that they just need some TLC inside of you. Good luck on your transfer and many hugs to you and Will.

Phoebe said...

Oh, I'm sorry this is so hard. I think there is a lot of hype on 5-day transfers, but there is nothing wrong with a 3-day transfer. I was never told of the risks of a 5-day transfer, and if I had, I probably would have chosen to do a 3-day transfer. Sometimes, it's better to get those embryos back in the uterus as soon as possible, so try to think of the positives!!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Continued god luck guys.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

of course that should say 'good' luck, but maybe some of that too eh?
;0)

Geohde said...

Mo, the greatest of good luck,

xx

J

April said...

arg. it sucks when it does not go as planned....but you still have some embryos to put back in...they will just be "home" a couple of days sooner. :)

i'm thinking of you. you are strong enough for this!

Alex said...

I'm sorry this is so stressful -- all of it. I'm hoping for the best for you.

White Picket Fences said...

I think the little embies just missed their home ...I'm thinking good thoughts for you and hope that the transfer went well and you're back home and safely tucked in bed. Here's to a quiet, peaceful, and low anxiety 2ww.

Lisa said...

Mo - thinking of you and hoping it went well. So many day 3's make it to be intense rock stars. I will be here for you during the wretched 2ww.

twondra said...

I found your blog through L&F at Stirrups. I'm thinking of you! (((HUGS)))

Tammy
www.twondra.blogspot.com

Cassandra said...

I hope that the transfer went well. Best of luck!

Emily said...

I am sorry things didn't go as planned. It can be hard to accept. I hope transfer went smoothly and the embies are snuggling in for a long winter's nap! Thinking of you!

Dora said...

This is such a damned rollercoaster! Hope the transfer went smoothly and that this is the month.

Shoot me an email if you want to get together and have a hot chocolate or something. dorasblog@gmail.com Welcome back to 2ww hell. Oh, crap! I just looked at the calender. Tell me your beta isn't Christmas Eve?

Virginia said...

think good thoughs.

Rachie Pachie said...

Sorry to hear that they aren't heading for 5d, but I will be optimistic FOR you! I know how scary this is, but with your history... it's much more scary.

Thinking about you & wishing for a good, viable, BFP.

Emily said...

Oh and I tagged you - a little 2ww distraction for you guys! I think you should both do your own version!

I Believe in Miracles said...

Crossing fingers and wishing you luck. We're not very far apart!! When's your beta?
~~HUGS~~

Mo and Will said...

Thank you guys so much for all of your thoughts. Your voices of reason help me ground myself a great deal.

Dora, I will email - we should try to do coffee - before or after the new year.

Dora and Nity, my beta is on the 22nd. I plan to start obsessively testing in approximately a week. Nity, when is your beta?

jodie38 said...

Good luck, guys! Thinking of you both...

Peachy said...

I hope your transfer went well today Mo! Maybe being out of the petri dish is exactly what they needed. I will be thinking of you in the next two weeks!

Melanie said...

My theme this IVF is "it only takes one good egg." Like you, I've struggled with whether to do a three day or a five day, how many to put back in, and every other possible itiration of what if. In the end, all it takes is one good egg. I hope you're feeling well after your transfer. Like you, my beta is the 22nd and like you, I'll test long before then. wishing us both the real thing...no inbetweeners this holiday seasons.

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