Today is 11dp3dt. Beta would have been today except that my clinic doesn't do betas over the weekend. HPT continues to be negative. It's over.
Will and I have been wrapping our minds around the likelihood that this cycle was a bust for the past few days, so the unbearable sadness is already starting to give way to a grudging acceptance. This IVF is tougher because it feels like three failures is significant. Like maybe we aren't going to get through to the other side and have a child. Which is excruciating.
It seems fitting that today is the winter solstice: longest night of the year, shortest day. Am hoping that metaphorically this means things will begin to improve. That this will be our lowest point in the journey toward a child.
We will see the RE tomorrow to get his thoughts on where to go from here.
These are the questions we are considering for him:
- What happened? Where do you think this cycle went wrong?
- How did embryo quality compare to previous two cycles?
- A year ago after the first miscarriage, you said our prognosis was "fabulous." What is our prognosis now?
- What have you learned from this cycle about how to go forward?
- Would more aggressive stimulation help?
- How about assisted hatching and fragment removal?
- Or endometrial co-culture?
- When can we cycle again?
- Would varicocele surgery help? How long afterward would we have to wait?
Anything we aren't thinking of? Please chime in; we're both a little numb.